Just when you’re feeling good….fucking bam….it’s over.  And when you’re feeling good you forget there’s a monster waiting out there somewhere. It becomes such a head game. The entire 4 year episode has been a head game. From thinking you’re going crazy to multiple misdiagnosis and panic to feeling completely alone because no one can fix me. NO ONE! And yes there have been many moments of self pity. So instead of dwelling on “IT”, my mission is to help myself. That’s right, pull up my boot straps and take control. It’s so not easy to do.  But who the hell else is going to do it. My options are…1. Give up 2. Continue to suffer 3. OR FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT.  After years of pure HELL I’ve decided to figure it out. Yep, I’m on a mission and I will share EVERYTHING I’ve gone through. That’s the point of all this. I don’t believe I’m ever going to find out what’s wrong with me. And now I really don’t care.  It’s about quality of life and how to manage the pain. That’s why I think it’s so important for us to share with one another.  It’s not just about the the physical pain but also about the mental attitude we MUST adopt. 

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